Be sure to use GOOD butter.
Food Network / Via trob8501.tumblr.com
1. You hear the delightful tinkling of the piano theme music that sounds like it really should be playing in an elevator.
2. You see the pleasant pastels of the opening credits splash across your screen.
3. Ina Garten is wearing an oversize chambray shirt.
4. Or she's wearing an oversize black shirt.
5. The episode indicates we're going "back to basics."
6. The phrase "Barefoot Contessa" is never actually muttered once throughout the episode.
7. Ina explains to you the premise for why she needs to be cooking so much over the course of the episode. Usually it's a dinner party for her gay friends, OR she's cooking something for her dear husband, Jeffrey.
8. You see an establishing shot of Ina's Hamptons house OR the Hamptons beach.
9. Ina replies to a long-winded email in two sentences or less.
10. Ina tells you to use some impossible-to-acquire ingredients like "vanilla harvested from your backyard..."
11. ...but then tells you that yes, "store-bought is fine."
Food Network / Via bonappetitandontforgetpopney.tumblr.com
12. Ina tells you to use "good" ingredients, like "good" olive oil.
13. You wonder what even constitutes "good" olive oil.
14. Ina makes a pit stop at some swanky Hamptons boutique food store to pick up her ingredients.
15. ...or she goes out to her garden. Because of course she can cook using ingredients from her garden.
16. Ina also tells you to use a shit ton of butter, but promises it will be "worth it."
17. Ina describes a dish as Jeffrey's favorite.
18. Something is described as having a lot of "flavor" despite the fact you cannot, in fact, taste it.
19. Ina tastes a dish and it looks like there is a choir of angels singing off in the distance.
20. She laughs in a flirtatious way. You know the laugh.
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