Why would anyone do this to themselves?
1. It's finally happening! I'm so excited I could vomit.
2. Actually, this is really easy. I feel amazing.
3. Why is everyone here so attractive?
4. It's very nice of all these people to be cheering me on, but I don't feel like I totally deserve it after half a mile. Talk to me in about an hour, you lovely, cheerful people.
5. That first mile just flew by. I only have to do 26 of these?
6. God, I hope I don't need to use one of those Port-A-Potties.
7. I also hope that my nipples don't bleed.
8. This is so much fun!
9. Way easier than a training run. Three miles gone and I barely even noticed.
10. I'm going to punch that sign that says "Punch here for a powerup" to make the person holding it feel good about themselves.
11. Whoa. Did that actually work? I feel totally powered up!
12. I want to give all these spectators a high five, but I'm not sure I could take getting rejected.
13. I'll just wait until someone makes the first "high-five" move and then go for it.
14. Four miles gone already! That means I only have 22 more miles to go!
15. Wait, that math did not make me feel good at all.
16. Let's not do the math for awhile and concentrate on getting through this first 10K.
17. When I've finished a half marathon, I'll only have half a marathon left to run.
18. That is the dumbest, most obvious thought it is possible to have. What is wrong with me?
19. When I've finished 14 miles, I'll only have 12 miles left to run, and I've already done 6, which is half of that!
20. Oh my God, please stop with the math.
21. My heart is brimming with love for all the amazing spectators and all my fellow runners. We are all equal today.
22. Except that dude who just blew by me. Where does he think he's going in such a hurry?
23. Also, is it wrong to silently judge all the people who are "only" running 13.1 miles?
24. Because I am judging them. Even though a lot of them seem to be way faster than I am.
25. Why does everyone hate Christopher Walken so much?
26. Oh. "No Walken." Either that is way funnier than it should be or I'm in an oddly delicate emotional state right now.
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